Advice and Support

Student and Parent support   

This document is designed to help you and your family in the event that you are worried about anything due to an experience you are having, a family or friendship situation, an aspect of your health and wellbeing or anything at all that you are worried about. It is also designed stage by stage to help you to know what things you can do to help yourself.

You can use this document alongside gaining support from your family and it is also our hope that all of the students can access the support they need from any member of staff.

There are specific people in school to offer you support extra to this. This document therefore includes useful telephone numbers, email addresses and processes for you to follow in order to get some support for your situation.

• Anxiety/depression
• Bullying
• Domestic Violence
• Drugs and Alcohol
• Eating Issues
• Exploitation
• FGM
• Forced Marriages
• Friendship issues
• Honour Based Violence
• LGBT
• Risky Behaviours
• School Staff
• Sexting
• Social media

Anxious or depressed

Talk to someone about how you are feeling. Ideally tell your parents. Keeping anxiety in your head can have a detrimental effect on wellbeing. If your anxiety persists then try to follow this step by step process;

MIND

• Accept that you cannot control everything  (Put your stress into perspective:Is it really as bad as you think?)
• Do your best  (Instead of aiming for perfection, which isn’t possible, be proud of however close you get)
• Maintain a positive attitude  (Make an effort to replace negative thoughts with positive ones)
• Learn what triggers your anxiety   (Is it school, family or something else you can identify? Write in a journal
• when you are feeling stressed or anxious and look for a pattern. Write out the unforgettable thoughts, especially if they are going to keep you awake at night.)

BODY

• Limit the amount of caffeine or alcohol you consume (These can aggravate anxiety and trigger panic attacks)
• Eat well-balanced meals. (Do not skip meals and always keep healthy energy boosting snacks to hand)
• Get enough sleep. (when stressed, your body needs additional rest. It’s important to get 8 hours of sleep a night)
• Exercise daily. (exercise can help you feel good as your body releases natural chemicals in your brain that improve mood, it clams your heart and maintains your health)

ACTION 

• Take deep breaths and slowly count to 10. (inhale and exhale slowly throughout the time when you are feeling stressed and repeat the counting to 20 if necessary)
• Give back to your community (Volunteer or find another way to be acting in your community, which creates a support network and gives you a break from everyday stress)
• Return to the Contents Page
• Take time out and spend time with friends. (Practice yoga or meditation and relaxing techniques, listen to music, get a massage. Step back from problems and try to clear your head)
• Talk to someone who is a professional (Tell people you have tried the above things and you still feel overwhelmed. Talk to your GP, your tutor, school health nurse, student support workers and school counsellor)

• Keep a journal of events (remember that bullying is not a one off fight or argument, a friend sometimes being nasty or an argument with a friend) 
• Remain calm - you and your parents 
• Tell someone about it and tell school so that we can help you 
• Keep evidence, especially from social media
• Think about who might be a witness to this and can support what you are saying 

Domestic Abuse 

Domestic violence refers to physical, sexual or emotional abusive ​acts as well as controlling behaviours​, usually by a current or former partner, but also by a family member or carer. 

You may be a victim of this in a relationship you have or you may feel that a friend or loved one is subject to this behaviour. 

You may feel in some way responsible for the violence which is taking place - remember IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE. 

You may feel guilty you cannot protect the parent who is being subjected to violence. IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO PROTECT YOUR PARENT. 

You may feel you are being disloyal to the parent who is being violent by speaking about what is happening within the home to other people. A PARENT WHO IS VIOLENT NEEDS HELP JUST AS THE PARENT WHO IS BEING SUBJECTED TO VIOLENCE NEEDS HELP. 

Drugs and Alcohol 

A drug is anything other than food, which changes the way the body and mind function. Abusing any drugs (legal or illegal) can result in

• Suffering from health problems 
• Increased risk of illness 
• Damage to the body 
• Strained or unhappy relationships 
• Loss of motivation or addiction. 
• Criminal record 

If you are concerned that you are or someone you know is trying drugs and a dependence is developing it is important that you talk to someone. 

Warning signs of teenage drug abuse - 

• Changes in personality - anxious; hyperactive; irritable, paranoid; over reacting to criticism; withdrawn or rebellious behaviour. 
• Changes at home - loss of interest in family activities; disrespect for family rules; secretive and angry; money or valuables going missing. 
• Changes at school - Sudden drop in grades; truancy;loss of interest in learning; loss of energy;reduced memory or attention span;argumentative. 
• Changes in physical appearance -Greasy hair; odd smell; spots; rashes; sores; lack of general hygiene; pale and gaunt; yellow teeth; never takes coat off; bloodshot eyes. 
• Physical evidence - Broken cigarettes; alcohol on breath; smoke on clothes; rolling paper; foil; small empty plastic bags; homemade pipes;seeds;leaves;white powder;burnt or bent spoons;burnt knives;tobacco;receives phone calls at odd hours of the night; lies about activities;has unexplained money;or constantly needs money; loss of contact with old friends;makes new friends who use drugs. 

Eating - undereating and overeating 

You may find that you are starting to be very controlling over food or using food as a way to make yourself feel better at times of stress. If you identify with this then you should: 

• Talk to someone 
• Keep a diary of what you eat and the amounts. Take a look at the change 4 life leaflets. 
• Try to identify what the triggers are for over or under eating. How are you feeling when you eat too much or when you don’t eat? 
• Referring yourself to Bethan Illman will help you. 

Exploitation

 It is important to know the signs to spot in terms of being exploited by gangs involved in drug crime. 

• If someone is offering you gifts, money, mobile phones they may be doing that so that you will do something for them in return - such as taking drugs, passing drugs to someone, concealing drugs on your person to stop them being seized, dealing in drugs.    All of these things are illegal. 
• If someone is being controlling and suggesting you should do things that you don’t want to and you feel intimidated or pressured to do them. 
• If you feel this is happening talk to someone, tell your parents, look at the info on the oxme.info​ sites where there are videos to watch and scenarios that might help you establish if you think you or a friend or loved one is are being affected by this. You can also refer yourself for support. 

Child Sexual Exploitation

This can affect both girls and boys and involves the persuasion of young people over time to have sex and perform sexual acts against their wishes. Often this starts by thinking it is a relationship with someone which is loving and supportive and over time this changes to be something else. 

Take a look at these sites where there are videos to watch and scenarios that might help you to establish if you or a loved one is being affected by this 

nspcc.org.uk 

www.childrenssociety.org.uk www.barnardos.org.uk 

Female genital mutilation 

FGM is the external change of the genital area for non medical reasons and it is illegal in this country​. The most common age for this to happen is between the age of 5-8yrs old.

Some cultures from Somalia, Sudan, Eritrea, Guinea, Egypt, Ethiopia, Gambia, Kenya and Nigeria believe that it is a way of - 

• Controlling sex drive 
• Maintaining virginity until marriage 
• Readiness for marriage 
• Showing their love and protecting their children 
• Maintaining family honour and to remain socially included in the community. 

It is believed that there are 200 million girls and women that have been cut around the world and there are 1000 survivors living in Oxford. 

It is something that is incredibly painful and dangerous and unnecessary for girls and young women and can affect childbirth and health in the future. 

Forced marriage 

You have the right to choose who you marry, when you marry or if you marry at all. 

Forced marriage is when you face physical pressure to marry (for example, threats, physical violence or sexual violence or emotional and psychological pressure (eg if you’re made to feel like you’re bringing shame on your family. 

Forced marriage is illegal in England and Wales. This includes: 

• taking someone overseas to force them to marry (whether or not the forced marriage takes place) 
• marrying someone who lacks the mental capacity to consent to the marriage (whether they’re pressured to or not). 

If you know someone who is at risk contact the forced marriage unit. If someone has been taken abroad to be forced into marriage give as much information as you can - Where has the person gone; when are they due back; when was the last time you heard from them? 

Friendship issues 

• Talk to your parents/tutor/HL 
• Remember to treat others as you would wish to be treated (so not retaliating) 
• Be honest about your part in a friendship problem 
•  Ask to speak to the person face to face (we can help you with this) and don’t listen to gossip. Do not try to do this on social media as it will potentially not remain private between you. 

Honour based violence 

This can affect both males and females. It can involve actual physical violence but also psychological, sexual and emotional abuse to manipulate a person into marriage for example. 

If a family feel that their traditions are being disrespected e.g 

• Choice of girlfriend or boyfriend from a different culture or background
• Being gay 
• Wearing clothes or participating in activities that are not approved off within the tradition of your family 
• Trying to get out of an arranged marriage or not agreeing to a forced marriage. 

LGBT 

It is very important to us at Matthew Arnold that all students feel valued, safe, respected and supported at our school. This includes young people who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, or who are questioning their sexuality. 

Understanding a non-binary view of gender - not male or female - can be tricky. It can be confusing for young people, parents and staff. The Genderbread person can help make it a little clearer. You might want to try and plot where you feel you are, especially if you feel the gender assigned at birth does not match your gender identity or expression. 

Students are very welcome to speak to staff about this aspect of their identity, including speaking in confidence to the School Counsellor or School Health Nurse. 

Staff at school will want to make sure that a student has any support they need, both within and out of school. They will also help a student to think through any relevant options, for example, regarding speaking to parents and friends. 

As Stonewall explain: 

As part of growing up, all young people will spend time exploring their identity and developing a sense of who they are. This will include thinking about who they are attracted to (their sexual orientation), how they feel about their gender (their gender identity), and the different ways they express their gender. 

Some young people will realise that they are lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans, meaning that their sexual orientation or gender identity may be different from many of their peers. Being lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans can feel like an extra pressure for young people at school, depending on the extent to which staff, peers and the wider school community are supportive. 

Lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans young people often worry that those around them, at school and at home, will react negatively to who they are, and too often experience high levels of bullying in school. This can be very damaging and leave young people feeling isolated and unable to access the support or information they need. 

Schools play a vital role in supporting lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans young people. … Creating an inclusive environment is a key part of making sure that lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans young people feel welcome and valued at school.

School Staff 

Tutor or allocated Super Tutor You will have regular mentoring sessions with your tutor and you see them everyday. They are your first point of reference and they can help you with any worries you have, help you to get organised, help you to understand situations that are troubling you in school or in wider life beyond school.

MAPS - Matthew Arnold Peer Supporters. These are 6th formers who are appointed to support mainly year 7 and 8 students with any issues they have around friendships, coping with the change in starting secondary school, low level anxieties and low mood. Nadya Dale-Holcombe organises the MAPS and you can approach her to have a MAP allocated to you or you can approach them yourself. They will introduce themselves to you in assemblies at the start of the year and their pictures are in a display in the A Block corridor. 

School health nurse - Self referral, Tutor, HL or student support worker referral. The office is situated opposite B12, down the steps from student services. The school health nurse service can help with any health issue, help to stop smoking, sexual health, contraception and drug and alcohol support.  

Bethan Illman (School counsellor) - self referral, tutor, HL, parents or student support worker referral.  Bethan can be found upstairs in B Block. Your tutor will have referred you to the self help activities and advice in this document before they refer you to Bethan. 

Safeguarding Team  The school counsellor and School health nurse services are both confidential services apart from if there is a serious safeguarding concern and then they will need to share information with the school safeguarding team. The safeguarding team is made up of Ms Palin, Mr Broadley, Ms Oakden, Mrs Davenport, Mr Hammond, Ms Kelbrick, and Bethan is also part of the safeguarding team. 

When you reach secondary school age things that weren’t worries when you were younger sometimes come to the fore and issues arise that you are unfamiliar with. This document is also designed to help you with advice on things to do before seeking help at school. 

Sexting 

Sharing sexual, naked or semi-naked images or videos of yourself or others, or sending sexually explicit messages. They can be sent using mobiles, tablets, smartphones, laptops - any device that allows you to share media and messages. Sexting​ may also be called: trading nudes. 

• Do not send images of this nature to anyone. You don’t know what someone will do with it, even if you are in a relationship with them. You might not always be in a relationship with them and they might want to hurt you. 
• Do not ask anyone for a sexually explicit image. 
• If you are asked for an image, tell someone and get some advice. 
• It is illegal to have a sexually explicit image of a minor on your phone or tablet. www.nspcc.org.uk/preventingabuse/keepingchildren-safe/sexting 

Social media 

• Tell your parents what has happened. 
• Screen shot what has been said 
• Turn your phone off and do not look at it before trying to sleep 
• Do not respond and try to ignore gossip about it in school 
• Show school what has been said and continue not to respond. 
• Contact CEOP
• Apps to be aware of - 

School Health Nurse

Ourschool health nurse works closely with student support staff and teachers to encourage students to be emotionally and physically healthy, educating them with knowledge to make informed choices and achieve their full potential. The role of the school health nurse has recently changed, and we now work even more closely alongside our colleagues in health visiting as a complete 0-19 service, providing continuity of care, improving health, wellbeing and life chances for children and young people. The school health role is to offer evidence based preventative care for children and young people – they are here to help, NOT judge. This may include, 

(but not exclusive): 

•  Healthy lifestyle choices 
•  Smoking cessation o Substance misuse advice 
•  Healthy weight management
•  Keeping safe 
•  Supporting teachers with PSHE 
•  Refer and signpost to specialist services
•  Confidential drop-in service 
•  Provide contraception, pregnancy testing and sexual health screening

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